Breastfeeding and all of it's taboos



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I once was sort of having a conversation with someone who said they felt that breastfeeding a toddler or older child was child abuse. That really made me have a WTF moment. I mean, if you were FORCING a child to breastfeed that didn't want to, that would certainly be child abuse. But anyone that has breastfed for any amount of time knows that the want to breastfeed is mutual. And, in my experience, the baby wants it much more than the mother does.

I think it's still kind of "taboo" in the United States for several reasons. In other countries, it is perfectly acceptable to breastfeed your child until they are three, four even five years old and older. In the United States, people are so quick to judge and so quick to assume that any mother breastfeeding an older toddler must be creepy or weird. The fact of the matter is, it's not wrong. There have been various studies done with varying results, so I'm not going to try to prove anything. It has been said that breastfeeding can help fight obesity. The reason being that the baby will stop when he is full, rather than stop when the bottle is empty.

I suppose people can argue against breastfeeding. I can't really think of any reasons why. It's natural, it's beautiful, and it's right.

Save Some Money, Get Some Great Deals

They're out there, deals. It's just about searching and searching until you've found the best. If you're like me, you don't want to search forever. Here are some ideas that can get you pointed in the right direction.

Consignment Shops-Some people have a lot of money. So they buy a lot of nice things. And babies grow out of clothes and toys and other accessories super fast. So you can find a lot of bargains on nice stuff in these shops.

EBay, Craigslist, etc-Same concept as the consignment shop. But you can do it in your underwear! I love how that's the best thing about being able to do anything on the internet.

Yard Sales-Eh, not my first choice. But if you pick a really fancy neighborhood, you might be able to find some pretty nice stuff.

Walmart-'Nuff said.

KMart-They are basically (along with Sears because they are owned by the same company) the only big box store that does lay-a-way. That's how I did most of my Christmas shopping this year, and it's a pretty good deal if you don't have the money up front but you don't want a credit card.

Hand-Me-Downs-Yeah, those are pretty great. 'Cause they're free.

My personal advice-Don't even pay full price for something that you don't have to.

More Quick and Easy dinners...

A couple that I have made over the past week...just to warn you, I really like cooking chicken. 'Cause it's easy. And tasty. I like to keep it simple.

Orange Chicken

Much more healthy than the Chinese Food version, but just as tasty. And super simple. The recipe sounds pretty gross, but the salty/sweet combo is just what your taste buds need. Trust me.

MORE CHICKEN (and TATERS)!!!

I love mashed potatoes. But I don't like cooking. And cooking mashed potatoes is a long process which includes washing, peeling and cooking. But I more recently discovered potatoes in a bag. And you can then microwave those potatoes and put them in a bowl, mash them up, but a little milk and butter on them, and presto, you have mashed potatoes. Never, ever, EVER buy the frozen ones or the ones in the can. Yuck. 

Top the potato extravaganza off with this recipe:

Brown Sugar Chicken

Image Courtesy of www.freedigitalphotos.net

And Part II....

In contrast to the blog I just recently posted...There are a lot of thngs you DON'T need to be a parent, but of course, there are essentials. Some things, yeah, they just plain come in handy, and there are things that really do just need to keep you sanity. Here's my list:

Swing-Yeah, babies like to swing. And it keeps them happy so you can do dishes, other clean, or just have five minutes to yourself.

Desitin-It works miracles. Diapers rashes can be pretty terrible, and this stuff really hits the spot.

Winter-time related items:

Warm snuggly type snow suit-So much easier to just bundle them up in this instead of putting on 10 different pieces of clothing.

Car Seat Cover-Easy to slip on and off, and keeps baby super warm, head to toe.

Toys with lights-Just another entertainment mechanism.

Window Cover-I was always too cheap to find one that actually worked well, but there were times when that sun was shining right into the car and really wish I had one.

Onesies-Great for Summer when it's just too darn hot.

Exersaucer-Gets baby moving, but still keeps them confined and safe.

I'm sure there are more, but I'm ready for bed.

Back on Track Now...

This blog has been all over the place. I'm gonna try to get back on track here. I was thinking about being a new mom, and all of the things we worry about whilst pregnant. I think a common concern, especially amongst us mommies on a budget. For me, it was particularly hard, because I was extremely financially unprepared for a baby. I was lucky enough to have a lot of help with the essentials, because my boyfriends family already has several small children, so I will be forever appreciating hand-me-downs. But I still spent the entire nine months of my pregnancy wondering what I truly needed, and what I didn't really need, no matter how much I wanted it.

Obviously, everything out there has it's perks, if you can afford it. But here are the things that I find you can go without, if you have to.

Diaper Genie-OK, yeah. Diapers stink. But just put the excess poop in the toilet, and then wrap the dirty diaper in a couple of shopping bags. Sorry to make it sound so simple, but it really is.

Changing Station-I actually had one of these, and still haven't used it. I did use the mat from it though, and just toss that on the floor and change the diaper like that. So, the mat costs like 15 bucks. Changing stations vary in price, but certainly more than 15 bucks.

Baby Carrier-This is just my experience. I had 3 different baby carriers, and hated all of them. Including the "Moby Wrap" which was supposed to be like, a miracle baby carrier. I'm sure they are some use to some people, but I found it much easier to just carry my son. Plus, it's a great workout.

Bassinet-I don't really think having a bassinet is a bad investment, but my son slept in a bassinet, and then when he grew out of the bassinet, I had gotten so used to him being in our room that I felt that he had to sleep in our bed. If at all possible, start them in the crib. You will be thankful much later when you don't have a two year sleeping in between your and your partner every night. It makes alone time very difficult.

Expensive Outfits-Especially if they are born in the summer. They will be wearing onesies a lot, and they grow out of the cute little outfits so fast that there are some clothes my son had that he either only wore once or didn't wear at all.

Breast Pump-If you qualify for WIC, you have a couple of options. If you either stay at home or work part time, you are eligible for a free manual breast pump. If you work full time, you are actually eligible to borrow a hospital grade electric breast pump. So if you plan on going back to work, save yourself 100-300 dollars and go this route.

Expensive Diapers-Again, this is just my experience. But I have used most brands of diapers, and honestly, the best diaper I have used is the Walmart brand. I do like the Pampers, but the others (Huggies and Luvs) are junk. And an 84 pack of Walmart diapers is 13.67, compare that to Pampers 25 bucks, and I'd say that's a pretty good price.

Your Baby Can Read-Replace "Your Baby Can Read" with some books, flash cards, and parental attention and you will have saved yourself 80 dollars.

Obviously, people will disagree with me on these, but it's just my experience, and my blog, and I can say whatever I want. So there.

Quick meals. Like, really quick..

I really don't like it when I try to look up "quick" meals online. "Quick" can sometimes mean 30 minutes to an hour. Sometimes I have about 10 minutes to prepare, cook, and serve dinner. I know some people are also pressed for time, so here are just a few "super quick" recipes that I have found to be appetizing. There are only a few, but for one, my son is super picky, and for two, I am not a good cook, so I look for simple recipes.

Mac and Cheese



Photo courtesy of freedigitalphotos.net

This one actually takes about as long as the kind in the box, but tastes a lot better.

Foreman Grilled Turkey Burgers

Ok, so that above recipe tells you to bake them, but it is so much faster (and probably tastier) on a Foreman Grill. The small ones are relatively inexpensive, and the possibilities are endless. I definitely recommend purchasing one if you need to make quick meals.

Hiding Depression from your Children

I suffer with anxiety and depression. And yes, I am ashamed by it. I know I shouldn't be, but that doesn't stop the fact that I wish I were normal. But I'm not, and life events haven't made it easier to get it under control.

A little background information. My boyfriend and I met in May of 2008, didn't start dating until August. I literally moved out of my ex-boyfriends house, and move into my now boyfriend's house the next day. I was madly in love. It was the most amazing relationship I could have asked for. We were best friends. I was on cloud nine.

September 2008

Skip forward not even two months later. We were still in the midst of our honeymoon stage. And then, I missed my period. It didn't really phase me too much, I had bouts of time when I didn't have my period due to weight loss. I had just lost about 15 pounds, so I assumed it could have been that. But, to be cautious, I took a pregnancy test. October 6th, 2008, I found out I was pregnant..

My life came crashing down around me. I was not even close to the point where I could be financially stable, I was still in school, and I still wanted to be a kid! My byfriend and I had been together for two months! We were both lost. I was more so than him. I'm not going to sugar coat it and say that abortion didn't cross my mind multiple times. And I believe if it weren't for my boyfriend's love and support, I may have gone through with it. It's a horrible thing to think about, but that was reality.

I had already dealt with mental issues before this happened, now, I lost my mind. I felt like my life was over. But, I had accepted the fact that I was pregnant, and soon began to welcome the idea of having a baby.

It's an amazing thing, what happens to you when you become a parent. The love you feel for your child is an overwhelming emotion. You are scared, excited, anxious, all at the same time. But love conquers all. And after 14 hours labor, I saw my son for the first time. And all was right in the world. For the moment.

Moments after coming out of my womb.

I knew I was going to have postpartum depression. I just didn't want to think about it. And then it came. And I had to think about it. I feel like a horrible person for the things that I've thought. No, I haven't thought about killing my baby, or even remotely hurting my baby, but it was other things. Thinking about what life was like before I had the baby. How much easier life was. How I wasn't a kid anymore, how life wasn't fair. How I would have done things differently if I could do it again. The two months of heaven I had with my boyfriend kept running through my mind. It made me angry that this happened to us, and so on and so on. How could I wish those things? I start bawling just thinking about it. And there are still times, when I DO think those things.

I've been to the doctor, off and on. The only anti-depressant that I have found to be effective is my son. At the end of the day, no matter how much life sucks, he is always there for me. I will openly admit I am in the biggest rut of my life. On the outside, I seem relatively normal. On the inside, I feel like I've hit rock bottom. I can think logically, and use common sense to cure my depression. Go to the doctor, talk about my problems, take the pills. I'm still working on not being so cynical about it. Or, I could just live through it everyday and pretend like it's just going to get better on it's own. Which, it probably won't.

I guess the point of this blog is, I feel obligated to hide my depression around my son. He is an innocent, perfect, beautiful creature who doesn't deserve misery at such a young age, or ever for that matter. If I had my way, I wouldn't work, I wouldn't go to school, I would lay in bed all day and eat Cheetos. But, the sane part of my brain, however small of a part that may be, knows better. I do this for my son. Even if I am suffering, I don't feel like my son needs to. And hopefully, I will find a way that works for me to cure my depression. I wish someone had an easy answer. But I know there's no easy answer. I must look for one on my own.

This will all pay off in the end--but in the meantime, I'm gonna be ticked off

Being a parent isn't easy. Being a parent, and being poor, that's even harder. It's one thing trying to get back on your feet, but doing it while making sure that your children are fed and happy, well, that's a whole different story.

You'd think that I would be a perfect candidate to get some help from our welfare system. I am a single mother, albeit, I am in a stable relationship with the child's father, we are still struggling to make ends meet and make a better life for ourselves.

I am in school, full-time, and my fiance, he works full-time. He doesn't have a great job, it helps pay the bills, but not so much that I don't have to work. But he's  putting his life on hold so I am able to finish school and get a better job, so hopefully he will be able to go to school when I have a better paying job.

But here's the catch: To be able to live semi-comfortably (aka not live off of macaroni and cheese and not overdraft on our bank account every week, which still sometimes happens anyway,) I have to work. I am really not trying to complain here, but I am struggling. I would truly like to be an advocate for people such as myself. WE CANNOT GET HELP FROM THE STATE. Although we are the prime example of people that SHOULD be being helped by the state.

There is a program called TANF (Temporary Aid for Needy Families). We are a needy family who needs temporary help. But because I work my a$$ off, and didn't immediately go to the State for help instead of continuing to work and go to school throughout my entire pregnancy and after I gave birth, I am now ineligible for help.

40 weeks and ready to pop!

                              

I wouldn't even want to stop working completely, because I have a great part time job. But my other part-time job, yeah, pretty terrible. It's borderline depressing pretty much everytime I have to work there. And it really, really, REALLY cuts into my time that I could be using to do homework and spend precious time with my precious son.

So adorable,  I know!

I went to the Department of Health and Human Services asked them what would happen if I quit one of my jobs. I would then, under their guidelines, be eligible for TANF, because I would be "underemployed." They told me that it would be illegal to do so. It would be illegal for me to quit one of my part- time jobs because  am struggling to get through everyday, and only having to work part-time would help me be able to do my school work and spend a little bit of time with my son? This would be a very temporary situation, as I only have one full semester left of school. I have to take two summer classes, and one class next semester (I just had to write that out because it is so exciting!) But I would only need very little assistance for a very short period of time. But I guess I am expected to struggle through these next three months. I have been doing it for almost three years now, I guess three more months will be a breeze.

So, riddle me this, State of Maine. Money that is given to families for TANF can be used for ANYTHING. The "welfare card" can be used as a debit card to be used at an ATM, or even used at the store to buy items such as cigarettes and alcohol. And since you can get cash at an ATM, the money can also be used to buy drugs.

Look, I know not everyone is out to abuse the system. But they are out there. Just like there are people like me out there. The only difference is, is that they get help, and I don't. And while I think it's great that people are now only eligible for 60 months of TANF, that's five years! That's five years more than what I am getting.

I clearly have no argument here, because if people are allowed to use TANF money to purchase anything they want without a second glance by the state (there are no drug tests, they don't need to show any receipts) either they are totally and utterly oblivous, or they just don't care. My guess is the latter. But how can they be OK with this? If people are allowed to buy cigarettes and alcohol with state money, that just ensures that these people will need more medical help than a drug-free person. This leads the state to have to spend MORE money on these people, because they sure as heck aren't spending any money on their own healthcare, MaineCare will cover it all for them.

I have also been kind of non-partisan, (aka I never cared much for politics and certainly didn't want to take sides, because I feel all politicians are full of it). But the idea of not dishing out money to these people for their medical problems caused by the use of drugs and alcohol is a nobel one. I will say that MaineCare has been amazing. It is basically free healthcare, with little-to-no out of pocket costs. We wouldn't have been able to survive without it. This life hasn't been all hell, it really hasn't been hell at all. But my frustrations still exist with the system-those people who need the help, the people that this program was designed for, can't get the TEMPORARY help they need. I can just hope to look back at this and be proud of what I have done, but for now, it sucks, I will begrudgingly go through the next year or so of my life, struggling to make ends meet. And then I will owe my students loans. And that will be a whole nother chapter.